Healing from A Disturbed Kundalini Awakening: My Journey Through Darkness to Solitude

The Sudden Awakening That Shattered My World

It all started in July 2023. My Kundalini awakening came without warning—sudden, forceful, and far from the peaceful spiritual transformation I had envisioned. It was chaotic and unsettling, often described as “triggered” or “disturbed Kundalini Shakti.” The energy moved wildly through the front of my body, associated with feminine energy, while the back of my spine, tied to masculine energy, stayed silent. Recently, I’ve started feeling those blocked masculine energies awakening gently—but that is a story for another day.

What unfolded was a complete collapse of my world. I no longer knew who I was, what I was, or what purpose I had in this 3D reality. By July 2024, despair had consumed me entirely. Sleepless nights, uncontrollable tears, and overwhelming pain became my constant companions. The energy within me felt like a wounded snake, swirling erratically around my heart, moving from my navel to my throat. It was fiery, intense, and relentless—a chaos I couldn’t escape. My thoughts darkened, and I was desperate for any form of relief. I cried day and night.

Desperate for Help in My Darkest Hour

Alone in a foreign country, I felt like a broken centrifuge—spinning wildly but going nowhere. In those moments, I turned to the divine for guidance. I cried out to angels, Jesus, Mother Mary, and God. I begged the universe to show me a way forward, but the pain didn’t ease. At the time, I didn’t understand what was happening to me. It felt like an endless storm with no escape.

Looking back, I now realize this was part of the dark night of the soul—a process that strips you of everything you’ve suppressed or avoided. It forces you to confront your deepest shadows and let go of the old self. I didn’t have the tools or knowledge to face it then. But now, I see it as the necessary first step toward healing. The dark night of the soul was not an end but a beginning—a passage that led me to greater divine light and inner self-understanding.

A Serendipitous Encounter with Magic

In late July, as despair reached its peak, I stumbled upon a Facebook post about a magician performing in Finland. Something about it caught my attention and made me smile—a rare moment of lightness in those dark days. It reminded me of someone who once loved magic. Though I didn’t act immediately, the post appeared again, and this time I read more. The magician was a yacht performer visiting Finland for the first time. The Finnish host was unknown to me, and I ignored it again.

But on a Sunday morning, unable to face Monday, I saw the post once more. This time, I got up, grabbed my things, and left the house.

On the way to the performance, I saw a rabbit and a peacock crossing the road together—a strange but magical sight. Their calm, deliberate movement brought peace, as if the universe whispered that I was on the right path. Watching them filled me with a strange comfort. The rabbit, especially, held a deeper meaning for me. It had appeared mysteriously in my life more frequently before my Kundalini awakening, almost as a forewarning of the spiritual journey ahead. The universe truly works in remarkable ways.

The Event That Changed Everything

The magician’s performance was entertaining, but it wasn’t the magic I was seeking. The transformation came from a chance connection with the host. As we exchanged a simple glance, I felt an overwhelming sense of home—a deep, inexplicable connection. Later, I learned she was a Kundalini yoga practitioner hosting an event called Her Breath, dedicated to feminine energy healing. The description resonated deeply, and I knew I had to attend.

The Healing Session: A Turning Point

The event was intimate, with eight women lying in a circle on meditation mats. Each of us set intentions before the session began. When I shared mine, the facilitators—a Kundalini expert, a cranial-sacral therapist, and a shamanic drummer—confirmed what I had suspected: I was experiencing disturbed Kundalini Shakti. They assured me that I was in the right place and offered their support.

As the session started, I lay on my mat. The Kundalini expert worked on me first, and as soon as she touched my legs, my body reacted violently. I began to shake, tremble, and cry uncontrollably. Then she started to vocalize sounds I had never heard before. To my surprise, they resonated deeply, stirring something within me. Later, I learned that she intuitively creates unique sounds for each person she works with.

The trembling intensified as her hands moved toward my torso. Suddenly, I felt weightless, as though an invisible force had lifted me off the floor. It was intense yet liberating—as if I was being reborn. When the energy subsided, I lay back on the mat, exhausted but calm. My body was drenched in sweat, yet I felt a peace I hadn’t known for months.

The intensity caught me off guard—I had no idea what was happening. Around me, I could hear the steady beat of the drum and the other women's reactions—some were laughing uncontrollably, others weeping, and a few lay perfectly still.

Rebirth and Renewal

The cranial-sacral therapist worked on me next, hovering her hands above my head without touching me. I felt warmth radiating from her, spreading through my entire being. Tears streamed down my face once more, but this time they were tears of joy and relief—soft, innocent, and full of hope. I felt like a newborn, emerging from chaos into a new sense of self.

That gathering marked a turning point in my journey. It symbolized the beginning of my healing—a shift from loneliness to solitude, from despair to peace. Looking back, it feels as though the universe gently guided me to exactly where I needed to be. Even in our darkest moments, there is always a path forward—one filled with light, healing, and unseen hands ready to guide us.

Practical Takeaways for Those Experiencing Kundalini Awakening

• Trust the Universe: Signs and synchronicities may appear in unexpected ways. Follow them—they could lead you to the healing you need.
• Seek Support: Surround yourself with people who understand the process, whether through Kundalini yoga, therapy, or supportive communities.
• Embrace the Journey: Even the darkest moments hold the seeds of transformation. Trust the process and allow it to unfold.

Also, as much as I try to find the right words, I often feel my vocabulary falls short. Aaron Abke and his host explain it best—they truly capture what I have been (and still am) going through. The interview is fantastic overall: Kundalini Awakenings & Graduating from Earth School with Aaron Abke.